In response to a further question from the audience about changeableness of one's experience of His love, the following was said:
Eruch once explained that the nature of love is like waves rising in the ocean. Likewise, the waves of our emotions, desires, and feelings arise within us, and then the waves collapse and merge. There is that blending, that melting, and for a bit of time we are experiencing His love. Then again there is that rising of feelings of attachment to the world. So in spite of our best efforts to remember Him and dwell within Him, our minds get distracted. Events come up, circumstances come up, and again there is a wave of anxiety and feelings of attachment to the world, to greed, lust and anger. We should know that as every wave rises so will it subside and eventually love is there. Your experience of sometimes melting in His love and sometimes being in a state of anxiety is a good description of the nature of love.
Mehera once said that she regretted not spending enough time with Baba. Who has spent more time with Baba than Mehera? And she regretted that she didn't spend enough time with Him. So what you described is the experience of His love, of Being in His love, yet longing more for Him and yet not having enough of Him. This is the nature of love. The more one experiences love, the more one longs for love, until eventually one is consumed, and only the Beloved is left.
I would like to close by repeating Baba's message from the beginning of our evening together.
My darling Leyla,
I have all your loving letters giving news of yourself and also of things and affairs at your end, — RE: your going to Spain and about Minta and other dear ones coming into your contact.
*You say, you are all scattered about in different places, and feel concerned! Why, dearest? Anything that keeps one busy anywhere must be welcome. My "mandali" here are scattered too, and I am Myself away and aloof from all, on these mountains. And there is a purpose, dearest, behind everything, especially behind all I do, for my circle, "mandali" and others in general. It may make one look scared, at times, but later on, when the outcome is seen or experienced and the object behind all this is revealed, all do understand. But all must wait for that. You will know, one day, everything. Meanwhile, just follow your right impulse wherein you will always be guided and helped by your beloved who looks after you as you can scarcely imagine! So, darling, go to Spain, spend your time in good work, keep cheerful all the while, and return when you feel your work there is finished, or before if you are needed elsewhere and informed. In short, dearest, learn to accept things as they come, quietly, without worrying, and much of the anxiety that is unnecessary will disappear, and things will look easier than at first.
Yes, I might come by the end of the year if I see the necessity, and after finishing the picture, retire there for the rest of the period. For the present, I must be in seclusion and work. And if letters take longer than usual, it will be due to the importance of the work in hand, and should not be taken for anything else. You should never think that I love you the less for that, and should go on writing yourself as you have been doing up till now, giving news about yourself and the dear ones of the group.
And you are reading the life of Ramakrishna and Vivekananda and you think
*This paragraph's typesetting in the original magazine didnt make any sense in many places, and was published like that. Parts of sentences were missing or continued on other lines.
After finding the same letter in Leyla's (Delia de Leon's) own book of letters from Baba, The Ocean of Love' p. 83. I replaced the mistyped paragraph with this one. Webmaster - JK 2009