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close to him. So he rushes inside, he passes through the gate, but he is stopped by the guard at the door of the palace. He says, "What's the matter, why do you stop me? I have a very urgent message." The watchman says, "No, I'm duty-bound to stop you; the Lord is at his prayers, and nobody can disturb him."
"What did you say?" asks Narad. The watchman repeats that the Lord is at his prayers, and no one can go inside. "The Lord is praying?" He feels confused: "If the Lord is praying, who is the Lord? Is there someone greater than he? Who is above Him? There must be someone else to pray to. If so, I must know about it . . ." His total conviction and faith in him as the highest authority is challenged.
Now he is agitated, he is pacing the courtyard, not knowing what to do, for he has to convey his message to the Lord. First of all, he couldn't bear the rebuff of that ordinary watchman — stopping him from going inside, where he had the freedom to pass. After an hour or so, Lord Krishna himself comes out and sees him in a very agitated state of mind. He calls out, "Narad, what is the matter with you? Is there any bad news? Why are your so worried? What is it?"
Narad comes and kneels at his feet. "My Lord, I am worried because the watchman stopped me from going inside because you were praying." Krishna says, "Is there any urgent message to give me?" — as if He didn't know. He always uses His sharpest weapon: ignorance. That's His best weapon, His most faithful weapon.
"So he stopped you from giving me the news? But you were told I was praying. It's true I ordered him not to allow anyone to disturb me."
"But it's not the news that is disturbing. I am confused," confesses Narad. "What happened, what's the cause?" the Lord asks.
"To whom do you pray to? Is there anyone above you to whom you pray?" Narad asks.
So the Lord laughs. He said, "Of course, I pray to someone; and some pray to me. What about that?" But to whom do you have to pray to, my Lord?" "Oh, so you want to know and to see whom I pray to?" Narad replies, "Yes, I'd love to; my head is whirling in confusion now!"
"Come on, don't be confused, come inside." And the Lord takes him inside. "Here is my personal room, this is where I pray. Here are my gods."
There Narad sees replicas of himself, of Arjuna, of the Lord's disciples, and of Radha, Krishna's feminine counterpart, and replicas of all the gopis with their families. "These are my gods. I shower my love on them," Lord Krishna says, "and they shower their love on me in return. I am the source of love and I create this whole creation from the seed of love. They are my Gods and I am their God."
Now when the Doctor read this story in his dear mother's book, he remembered what had happened at Meherazad; he said, "It's just the same." And his confusion ended.
Thus, such prayer sessions would continue, day after day. I have given you a picture of it. Then sometimes for months at a stretch, there were no prayers said. But, in later years — in 1968 — when His health was visibly deteriorating, going from bad to worse, He ordered for the prayers to be read out daily. He was in seclusion, and in His seclusion all we could hear, all the time, was a sort of thumping noise, as He pounded His thighs with His fist, especially His right thigh, continually. There was no elasticity left in His thighs. They were just like logs of wood. There was nothing much left of His legs, as the muscles of the thighs had lost elasticity and had become solid lumps — having no weight-bearing capacity.
At the time of the prayer, Baba would ask someone to help Him stand up, because one must stand up for prayers; and He said He had to participate in the prayers. So He started with one person helping Him stand up. Then I would begin to read the prayers. Often He would gesture, "Let's finish it off soon."
Now the prayer He had dictated for humanity is meant for human beings to say with their heart and soul, so you can't rush through any prayer, much less the Master's Prayer. Yet, the author, while He participates as one of humanity, says "Finish it off soon!" So naturally I say it out a little bit more rapidly, knowing that His health condition does not permit him to stand up for a longer time.
Then, with the passage of time, as months passed by it wasn't possible for Him to
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