But they said, "Well, tomorrow is Baba’s birthday.” It hadn’t been so bad in Berkeley I thought, maybe we'll get some cake or something. They didn’t tell me that I had to be up at 4:30 a.m. to be at the tomb at the exact moment of Baba's birth.) Of course the women were coming, whoever they were. They had all those festivities, with Mehera decorating the chair. I did take pictures. I figured this was an experience, something I could talk about. But you know, deep down within it broke my heart that I couldn't be part of this. My theology was in the way and it really hurt. I knew what God was like and I wanted Him. I couldn't get into this, but I knew the Charismatic movement was over. I was feeling lost and isolated.
The first time we went to Meherazad, they put us on a bus — a cramped, busy bus. I was standing, holding on for dear life on this road going to Meherazad. Everyone was happy on this bus. They were singing about Meher Baba because it was His birthday. I was really feeling frustrated with these international hippies and I said to myself, "Listen, let's be an adult about this. Let's make the best out of this day and experience. There's one thing real in your life, your relationship with Jesus Christ.” So, while we were singing these songs to Meher Baba, in my mind I was changing words around and singing them in my mind to Jesus all the way to Meherazad. I was singing praises to Jesus on the bus from Meherabad to Meherazad. When we goy there, my friend Wayne said, "Come with me, I want to show you something. I want to show you Meher Baba's room." Alright. I'd seen everything else. I'd seen sandals, His table house, His jhopdi hut. I'd seen this and that. I went to see the bedroom. So, we walked back there, and I was expecting absolutely nothing. All sudden, I opened the door, walked in, and you know what? It was the most holy place I'd ever been in my life. I don't know what happened, but when I walked into the room, it was there. It was the place that I'd been searching for all my life. I turned to Wayne and said, "This place is the holiest place. This is a holy room."
Luckily, he was sensitive enough that he just walked away and left me in there. I don't know how to explain to you how I felt in that room. It was so holy. I had so many experiences with God, but this was like the crystallization of all those experiences in this room. I was in that room and I kept thinking to myself,"I don't understand this. How could I be experiencing God like this in this room here in India?" I was energized. I didn't know what to do. I started walking around the room. It had Baba pictures all over. I started looking at all these pictures of Baba. I was feeling such a presence and I was looking at these pictures of Baba and I kept saying, "I don’t understand this. I can't relate to Him. I'm feeling God in such a powerful way, but I can't relate to these pictures. I don't know who Meher Baba is. This doesn't make sense to me. This can't be. Jesus is the only one." Finally, I made my way around the room, and you'll never believe what I saw. I saw a picture of Jesus. There He was. The one that I could relate to. So many years of a relationship with Him. There was Jesus and He was walking on water and Peter was sinking into the wave and he's reaching up to Jesus like this and Jesus is reaching to him. Suddenly, I felt like I was falling into some kind of an ocean and I was reaching up to Jesus myself. I identified with that picture at that moment. I looked at that picture and I said, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." All of a sudden, I experienced so much love coming out of that picture from Jesus to me. Powerful love. I'd experienced it many times but this time it was so sweet and clean and so beautiful and had such a freshness. I had missed it for so many years. I said, "Jesus, I love you so much." (It wasn't audible. It's all in here.) He said to me, "I love you so much." I said, "I love you so much" There was an interchange of love. Then He said to me "I love you so much. I want you to understand something. I want you to lay hold of something today. I am Meher Baba. We are one and the same person." All of a sudden, I felt my theology and all of my Christian experiences that