such a way that only Americans can do. Suddenly I was sensing that people I was ministering to were not really into the Jesus I was into. They were into bucks, and money was becoming very important to them. Suddenly I realized that Christian theology was becoming sick. I was watching things in TV and I used to think, I'm involved in this? This is not where my heart is at. This is not where I'm at. Suddenly, I was hit.

When you put your whole heart into a situation and the train is leaving the station with you left on the platform, having no sense of direction, it's very terrifying. So, the first thing I thought to myself was, well Melodyland is starting to have severe financial problems; they've started cutting classes. And I thought I'm losing interest in this. This is not where I am; the train's pulling out. I've got to train myself to do something else. So I was flipping through one of the local San Diego college catalogues and noticed classes in travel agency operations. So I decided to go to that class and see if I were interested in it. I went to class and thought it was the most fascinating thing on earth. It occurred to me that, besides having statues in my room in Buffalo, there had been another eccentricity I'd had: I used sit around the airport and watch planes take off. I used to watch people write tickets and plan journeys. I had no idea where that fascination had come from. All of a sudden, in the midst of my depression, in the midst of not knowing where I was going or what I was doing, I thought it would be fascinating to write tickets. Well I took some classes and prepared myself to get into this field. I was doing it part-time, and still teaching part-time, being very confused and depressed and having all kinds of problems. I wondered what was next in my life. Real financial problems beset me.

Suddenly, I had to move to another place. My job at Melodyland was terminated because the school was really having problems. And then my car blew up. Do you know what it's like living in Southern California without a car? I didn't know what to do. I mean there was no car, and there was hardly any money coming in. The travel work I was doing was part-time, but it just wasn't enough. So what do I do now? I said, well I just have to be an adult about this. I have to live in a city where I don't need a car. That will solve that problem. And I have to move to a city where I can get a job because I'm running out of money. I have to move to a city where I already have friends who can help me, and that city . . . was San Francisco. When I got there I said "Dear God, I'm so confused, I'm so weirded out, you've got to help me in some way." I went to my first job interview at a travel agency and I was hired right on the spot. They said when can you start? And I said, "I can be here by next week Monday. Let me go home and pack!" I went back to San Diego and had the biggest garage sale anybody's ever seen. I got rid of everything and moved to San Francisco where I discovered that if you rode the bus, you weren't treated on the same social level as a bag lady. You weren't in L.A., you know? You could ride the bus with dignity. I thought l can live here, I can support myself. I don't need a car. So, in San Francisco, I've worked for the same travel agency for the past four years. I haven't ever owned a car and I'm very happy.

It was an adjustment living in San Francisco. I wasn't used to such cramped city living and I was still depressed. It wouldn't go away. I had divorced myself from the Charismatic movement when I left San Diego, I broke all ties, I thought, "Where do I fit in spiritually? After all the experiences I've had, where does all this fit in? I know there's a God, l know Jesus is God, I've experienced Him. Where do I go?" I went to the Episcopalian church. Too much incense. I went to the Presbyterian church. Too boring. I went to a different church every Sunday. It was very intense. I finally stopped going to church. My poor mother would call and say, "Well, were you in church this morning?" You see, my parents are Charismatics and it's my fault. So