head cocked and smiling. The impression I had was that He was saying, "Well, are you coming or aren’t you?" I was so terrified, I jumped out of bed, heard my heels hit the floor and knew I was awake. I was so startled by the whole thing I thought I was going to have a heart attack. But the minute I realized that He was there and I was awake, then He was gone. So, I climbed back into bed and went to sleep; I was exhausted by those few seconds.
A couple of days later, Ginny and Liz came back from Myrtle Beach. I told them about this dream, and Liz, who was in such a stupor from having been with Baba, said, "Well, I'll go back down to Myrtle Beach with you if you want to go." Just to go for a visit, to be at the Center; Baba had already left. I said OK and she called Elizabeth Patterson and asked if she could bring me to the Center. It was at that time that Elizabeth had asked Baba who could stay at the Center, Baba had said, "Those who love and follow Me, those who know of Me and want to know more." The condition was at that time that if someone came who had not met Baba, either Kitty or Elizabeth had to stay on the Center at night when that person was there. (The house that's there now was not there then; they lived in town.) So, when we arrived, it was Kitty who came out every night and stayed in the Lake Cabin while I was there. There was nobody else on the Center except Liz and me and Kitty and Frank Eaton. I had Kitty to myself every evening ― didn't appreciate that probably until years later. How lucky I was!
At one point, I was sitting in the Lagoon Cabin in front of Baba's chair and suddenly I felt a wave of love come from Baba to me, go through me, go around and back to Baba and close up. There was no question then of who loved and who was loved. There was only a circle of love; it was all one thing. In that moment I realized that I could say that I loved Him, because He had given me the gift of His love and that's what I gave back to Him. Of course, at that point, my desire to see Him started. What wonderful timing! He was back in India, He was in seclusion, you couldn't even write. People were saying it was going to be a long time before He came again or before they'd go there.
So then started the wait. It got so bad that I got terribly jealous of everybody who had met Baba. I used to get up and walk out of the room when they were talking about being with Baba. I remember Beryl Williams not being sympathetic at all; she laughed like crazy, because she thought it was great — Baba was drawing me. But Beryl and Kitty were so kind. They could write to Baba at that time (they had permission), and both of them would always put a little line in — either writing to Him or to Mani or to Mehera — saying how much I wanted to meet Baba. And every once in a while, Baba would send back a letter to them, saying, "Baba knows how much Ann wants to see Me," sending His love. That would keep me going for a little while longer.
Baba was not well in those years and when it came to 1960 or 1961, people started saying, "Maybe we won't see Him again." But Kitty was always very positive about it and said we would.
In 1961, I was at a New York Monday night group meeting and I was reading from the Discourses the part that says: "When the disciple is ready, the Master comes." And I thought to myself, "Well, that takes care of you — you aren't and He isn't." But I felt that Baba had given me so much love, that meeting Him would be the icing on the cake. I already had so