do not know what shape will it take. If I were to try to explain it to you, it would be like this. Suppose there is a huge tidal wave on the surface of the ocean, rising high; it subsides, it forms into different waves and ripples. If you ask me what is the length and height and of every wave or every ripple and how long is it going to travel and which course it is going to take; it's not possible for me to answer, neither is it easy to define. It takes its own course because it is something very universal; it is not an individual thing for us to be able to grasp. We used to ask questions to Baba about this also. But He said, "You cannot grasp it." His inner work — all our life long we have seen that He was occupied in His inner work. For no reason at all He used to fall into it in a minute and that suffering would last for half an hour or one or two hours, or sometimes three hours and then afterwards, He was perfectly alright. Where did this suffering come from? There was no ailment at all. Where did it go and how did it go and how did it come and why should He have suffered so much? This was not once. Time and again we went on experiencing this and time and again He said that it is His inner working; we did not know what it was. Pointedly I would ask questions and He said, "You cannot understand this." That was the end of the explanation.
So, according to me, the Word of words is given; He has broken His Silence; He has released His power; and the manifestation is taking place imperceptibly. Of course a time is going to come, a crisis has got to come sometime; it will be evident on a large scale, on a huge scale. The greatest section of humanity will be engulfed in it. If Meher Baba is the Avatar and if the word is truth and the Word is what He has already given, according to me, He has broken the Silence. People may have other views — they are welcome. So this is my interpretation; one can just take it up or reject it as he likes.
Q: Did you ever want to leave Baba?
There have been quite a few times I wanted to leave altogether. It was not even once, but He never allowed me to do so. And I think that was His great grace. The prominent one, the recent one of all was during the New Life, when I really suffered, not because of the physical labor, not because of any physical inconvenience, but because of the attitude that He assumed during the New Life, an attitude of strictness, and not only strictness but an attitude of indifference that was all the time piercing me very, very much. I could not reconcile the expression of love that He had showed to me for all these years with that indifference He displayed during the New Life. It was at a place called Belgaum, nearly five hundred miles away from Ahmednagar. That was a period of labor, and after the day's labor I was very tired ― that didn't much affect me really. Late one afternoon I went and sat on a rock over there, musing and thinking and I got absolutely fed up — I said I do not want Meher Baba, I do not want God, I do not want my parents, I do not want my office, I do not want myself — how to get rid of myself? So I wanted to go away. I'd almost decided. Baba was there on the nearby hill. Eruch comes running — I think if he had come two or three minutes later I probably would have been gone. Baba might have chased me and called me back, I cannot say — but Eruch comes and tells me, "Adi." I said, "What?" "Meher Baba wants you." I said, "What? Get away from here." He quietly walks away from there. I did not change my decision, but I thought that since Baba wants me to go and talk to Him, I would go and talk to Him for awhile and then come back and leave the place. But something miraculous happened. I go up and see Him, He's sitting there with just a smile or a grin and suddenly nothing remains — not a trace of the mountain of worries I had created for myself of my own imaginations, and I gave up all the thought of going away. That had happened also on previous occasions. I do not exactly recollect.
Q: What about "the book"?
Oh — the book, the book*. I do not know, sir. I think six months before Baba dropped the body, Eruch happened to ask Baba about the book and He gestured like this, which means it is in some Western country. This gesture means the heart; heart is identified with the Britishers, they ruled India for a hundred and fifty years, and by this Baba meant a Western country. Where it is I do not know. Sometimes they all blame me, saying I have suppressed it and I have kept it with me, but let me tell you, I would have no reason because I would own the copyrights and I would make lots of money for myself! Why should I suppress it?
*Meher Baba wrote a book to be published posthumously, ostensibly, its whereabouts are unknown.