then we left. This was a little bit of solace to my heart. There was nothing else we could do. We had to go. When we returned to Iran, we would have letters from Baba and write to return.
During the four days of darshan at Poona, one day about 930 a .m., Baba sent his own car — to the Zoroastrian Hotel where the Iranians were staying. Parichar, a lady from Pakistan who knows our language, had come to tell us that all the ladies who wanted to, could go and see the women mandali. But it so happened that there was nobody else there, I was the only one left. I told Parichar I didn't know the language but Parichar said, "Come, I will help you." So she came with us to Guruprasad. It was Baba's own doing. They told me that Baba was in his room there, so I fell behind his door and kissed the threshold of the door. Then all of a sudden, I couldn't feel myself anymore. I lost my normal consciousness. All the ladies came — Mehera, Dr. Goher, Mani, Baba's sister. They patted me . . . they raised me and they sat me in the chair. Baba's sister went and made a cold drink for me. I couldn't understand anything. I only wanted Baba. I didn't know where I was. They would constantly keep asking me what my name was, and I would answer "Iran." But they thought I was telling them I was from Iran. They asked this 2 or 3 times. Finally, I managed to tell them my name was Iran. With their speech and their kind pattings, they gradually got me out of the state that I was in. Then, in the afternoon, they brought us back to the hotel in the same car.
After we returned back to Iran, every now and then I would sit and remember Baba and think of Baba. Khodayar was translating Baba's work. While I was a wife with children, difficulties would arise. I would remember Baba's name and he himself would take care of it all. He was God who knew Himself; wherever I have needed help, he himself has helped me a great deal. My love is all his. We're all his and he himself has taken us ahead. There is no way I can speak the words that I want. Suffice it to say that wherever I have needed help, I have thought of him and he has helped me many times in this very house as I would work, I would be thinking of Baba. I would see that Baba was following me. I would also see Baba in the yard, here and there, with Eruch he would be walking and speaking; he would be gesturing to me and things like that.
I have dreamt of him many times. Before I went to Baba's darshan, I was pregnant with my third child. I had a dream of Baba one night. I saw that Baba was at the well with some sort of an Indian there. I had not yet seen Baba. As soon as I saw Baba I was very happy I had finally managed to see him. I asked him, "Baba, when did you arrive? You didn't let us know that you were coming. Khodayar is very anxious to see you." He told me, "My nazar is constantly with Khodayar and I am with him. He can't see me but I am seeing him now." It was just like this. All of our lives he himself is guiding all of our actions. Wherever we need help, he helps, and he has helped me so much. There are no words to express it. What else can I say?
This point I am going to make is very important because some people say Baba died and he passed away. But Baba is not dead; he is living in everybody. Baba is living in everybody; he is not dead. For example is this incident, when you were going to come here. Twenty-four hours before you arrived, I was sitting in our yard. As I usually sit and think of Baba, then I was thinking to myself, "Oh Baba, if we could just see, for an instant, what you see behind your own eyes; if we could know what goes on behind your eyes, how good that would be. If you would show to us, how nice it would be . . . this world and Baba are nothing but love." All of a sudden my head bent over and I went into a mood. I don't want to pretend that I saw anything — no, I didn't see anything — but it was just that my eyes turned up to the sky — just like this, for a moment — and I gazed there for a minute so that I might see something. But I didn't see anything. Yet after twenty-four hours, your telegram arrived saying you were coming. Then Baba gave me nothing but Love. In this way he proved to me that Baba is Love and is service. He guided you into our house. I am very grateful to you for coming to our house and for