Of course then I was no more than sixteen years old. Well, I was just a child, and I couldn't. I mean, my efforts were to have my thoughts and imagination completely in my own hand, so that whatever thoughts I would want to have, I could have complete dominance over them. It was such that these bumps started to appear in my thoughts and it finally reached to a point that I even hated Baba. Wherever I would see that Baba was approaching, I would flee and go somewhere else so that Baba would not see me. Baba also would change his path so that he should come in front of me (said with humor)
At any rate, I was like this for a while. I decided that, "Well, I know that Baba is great man, that he is not an ordinary man, and that in his school I was eating his bread and salt. It is not right for me to think these thoughts about him, and to think all these terrible insults to him. I must disobey Baba, so that he may throw me out of here, and may go somewhere else. I should go out into the world for a while — perhaps I might lose all these thoughts; these thoughts might leave me. And then I should return again, and continue on the straight path."
And I did this. So I disobeyed Baba and Mr. Baidul went and told Baba: Vasali has disobeyed you. Baba asked me if I wanted to go back home, Bombay or Yazd, and I said "Yes. I want to go." So he ordered Baidul to go and pack my things — my suitcase and my belongings and my clothes — and make them ready. Baba said: "Take him and give him to his uncle in Bombay. Take a receipt from him, and come back." (of course Baba said all of these with gestures). And it didn't take ten minutes for Baidul to do these things. I looked over and saw that yes, indeed, he had gotten everything together; am then he came to Baba and said: "Yes, I have prepared all his belongings and everything is ready." Baba said: "All right, take him away."
So then I started to get up, and I noticed that my legs wouldn't move at all, and that I was paralyzed up to my waist. Here I was pushing my fingernail into my thighs, and couldn't feel anything! From waist up I was all right, and I could feel and see and speak and everything, but I could not take one step. Baba gestured that I should get up, but I couldn't. So he gestured to Baidul to bring me to him. Baidul picked me up like a like a little bird. Well, I was only sixteen years old. So he put me under his arms, and took me to Baba.
There was a time that Baba had a room, and I used to have a picture of that room. Baba had been in seclusion there for six months, and he wouldn't eat anything, either only one cup of milk a day, and maybe also another cup of hot water, and nothing else. This is all he would eat. And it was such that when after six months he came out of that room, he could not walk. Gradually he would walk and practice, until finally he got back to his normal walking.
So, Baidul took me to Baba, and so here Baba put his hand around my neck. I was sitting right in front of him there, and he asked me: "Why don't you go? Don't you want to go?" I said, "No." Then I said I want to go, but now I said no! (with humor). Baba with his gestures said that I have love. He just said that, and then all of a sudden he embraced me. As soon as he embraced me, my legs started to come to life again, and I could walk. On that very instant that Baba embraced me, it was all finished — all this discomfort of my legs, that they had no life. They didn't hurt, but they had no life in them. This was Baba's wish that I should remain there. And that's why he did this thing for me; it was HE who did it. It is Baba's continuous grace for me that I will never forget.
Baba's emphasis to me was that whenever he would see me, he would say: " Think of me. Love me, think of me." His emphasis was on thoughts, and that I should constantly focus on him; that I should think of him and no other thoughts.
So at any rate, these bumps of thought and imagination were still bothering me, and I had not found dominance over them. Until finally, one of these days, Baba was in Hall No. 2, which is now Baba's museum. That was where we were staying. Baba asked me in there; I went in and he asked me to sit down. I sat down, and after I sat down, he