I went home in a daze. It was only two or three weeks later I got a card inviting me to hear Norina Matchabelli speak on Meher Baba at the Hotel Martinique. I had never heard of Him. I do not know to this day how I got the card, but I went. No photo of Baba was there – but I recognized Norina instantly from another compelling "prevision" of a woman in a turban. An invitation to visit their home brought me face to face with a small photo of Baba on the wall that looked the speaking image of "My Jesus" I had seen at the center for Ramakrishna.
It was all over. My heart was Baba's. I accepted Him as the Christ, from deep within. Another "vision" perhaps was even more decisive:
I dream I am on an empty plain. I am calling for my human beloved but there is no answer. I start walking on a narrow bright line of light. It is hard to stay on it. If I fall to the right, I see beautiful exquisite fields and mountains stretching to the distance. If I fall to the left, I see an incredible, threatening wilderness. But I keep going until . . . at the end, there is Baba; the line leads to His feet. He smiles into my eyes. He opens His arms and embraces me. Instantly for a millionth of a second, I feel Oneness, Divinity. Neither He nor I exist. The shock is so great I wake up, but the samadhi of His love lasts for half an hour.
This experience of His Godhood in the "dream" was so great, that not even the future meeting with Baba in the body quite compared with it. I never doubted Baba, but this certainty increased certainty.
So I waited. A great deal of personal life-turmoil was gone through but through it all, letters, cables came from Beloved, including a precious "first letter" saying He was happy I had come to Him. In 1948 Norina and Elizabeth were called back to India. Norina asked if I had any message for Him. I said, "Ask Him if I can come to India. " She wrote me that for two weeks Baba went around asking everyone about me, Norina, Elizabeth, Donkin, first saying He'd send for me, then not; finally He said He'd send for me "later." Later – turned out to be the 1962 Sahavas!!!
At last, at last, the Beloved came, at 4:30 a.m. at Idlewild Airport, April 20, 1952. None but the few intimate mandali – Margaret Craske and Delia De Leon, who had come from London, and Elizabeth, were allowed to meet Him and His group of twelve – six men and six women, who were with Him. Only a few knew the hour, 4:30 a.m. I was awake – of course. My diary says: "I remember the vision that came, clouds, clouds, clouds, and, laid out flat on them, a strange kind of a cross, made of wavering lines and flat – that was a cross-roads!!"
After a day's rest they were to take the midnight train to Myrtle Beach out of Penn Station. Of course I knew that, so I proposed to my friend Adele Wolkin that we go down to the station and see Baba. We hid behind the big pillars high on the third balcony. Adele looked down: "O, there's Baba! And there's Mehera! and Donkin!" Though we were so far away, Baba smiled, gestured upward and we were told later, spelled on the alphabet board what became our Baba signature – 'Filadel.' Of course He knew we were there. But I suddenly realized I was disobeying Him – none were to contact Him before Myrtle Beach. So I didn't look. I went home feeling very upset by my disobedience.
A letter came from Baba: would 'Filadel' like to come to Myrtle Beach as His guests for three weeks? "Yes! Yes!" Another letter changed it to two weeks; then another to one. This is what we had been told Baba did to test you – change plans constantly. But one week seemed heaven - and so it proved.