understands all this. But what is wanted is actual experience. As soon as you get the experience, you know. You know that everything is illusion and that God is Reality.
When I was studying in school—in college—I was not interested in reading about all these things, of course. I had nothing to do with spirituality. I never read philosophical or spiritual books. My father, Sheriarji, was thinking all the time of God and searching for Him. He was a seeker, a great seeker. He roamed on foot from place to place in Iran, then came to India. He was searching, but he couldn't find what he was looking for. In India, he married. Why?—because of past connections, past impressions or sanskaras.
"When I was in college, I met Babajan. I was going to college on my cycle, and Babajan was sitting there under a tree. Around her she had a group of some Pathans. They are a very stalwart people, very fierce-looking. And Babajan, the old lady, just called Me, beckoned Me, and I got down from the cycle. Then she kissed Me on the forehead—and I knew that experience. At that very moment—everything disappeared, vanished completely. Why? Because I found Myself INFINITE. There was no room for anything else besides Me. That kiss made Me Infinite, so that there was no room for anything else. Everything vanished but Me!
"How can I explain that experience to you! But when you get that experience, you come to know.
"When I experienced that bliss, that infinite bliss which had no break, it was continual—it is continuing even now. Of course, it is eternal, it has no break. Then I went to Upasni Maharaj—I was drawn there, I do not know how. He brought Me back to normal consciousness.
You have no idea what that means—to come down to normal consciousness! Every little thing, every moment, was a crucifixion for Me. To come down from that infinite bliss to normal consciousness of this material, illusory world is crucifixion.
"Even now it is the same. You all find me cheerful, happy, but inwardly, within, I am in infinite agony. Why? Because I experience through all of you your own bondage.