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 35

 

who you are, say "I don't know."’ Kalyan followed this advice. Janak then turned his gaze upon him and he lost consciousness of all bodies, of the whole world, and yet remained conscious of his own Self as the Infinite God.

 

"The meaning of this is,—unless you lose the 'I; you can not see and become God, because where you are, God is not.

 

"Now about Myself. When I was a boy I did not know anything. I had nothing to do with spirituality. My father, who was a dervish, had roamed throughout India and Persia, begging and contemplating God. He taught Me some verses from Hafiz and other poets, but I had no interest in all this. I preferred marbles, kites, cricket. But in all the games that I played, I found Myself naturally the leader of others.

 

"Yet one day, when a friend gave Me a small booklet on the Buddha, I opened the book to the place that told about the second coming of the Buddha as Maitreya, the Lord of Mercy, and I realized all of a sudden, 'I am that, actually,' and I felt it deep within Me. Then I forgot about it, and years passed by.

 

Babajan called Me one day as I was cycling past Her tree, and She kissed Me on the forehead; and for nine months, God knows, I was in that state to which very, very few go, even in cycles of time. I had no consciousness of My body, or of anything else. I roamed about, taking no food. My mother thought I was mad, and called the doctor. My father understood, but said nothing. The doctors could not do anything. I did not sleep, because I was unconscious; and then what happened is very rare. It is only for Avatars, who take on themselves the suffering of the world. I took no food but tea, which My elder brother Jamshed, who loved Me very much, gave Me. One day, all of a sudden, I felt nature's call. I wanted to move my bowels, but it was impossible because I had not had any food. I sat there and had no stool. Then I saw, with these gross eyes of Mine, circles and circles, whole universes. From that moment, instead of the Divine Bliss that I was in for the nine months, I was in such tortures that no one in the world can understand. I used to bang My head to relieve my pain. I scarred My head on floors and walls. I could not contain Myself. It was as if the whole universe was on My head. I used to break windows open with My forehead.

 

"Then I was drawn out to Sai Baba. It was an intense urge. Sai Baba directed Me to Upasni Maharaj. He picked up a stone and hit Me on the

 

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